Technology has pushed the world of dating into our phones, those same devices that allow us to take photos and videos we may not want the rest of the world to see. And that tectonic shift in culture has made it much easier to run anonymous extortion scams, where people threaten to reveal your private photos to friends, family, and employers if you don’t send the scammers money.
Last month, Gizmodo reported on sextortion attempts at Ashley Madison, a website originally built for cheating on your spouse. After that story ran, we received an email from Jacob G. (we’re not using his full name at his request), who had his own story of being extorted on the LGBTQ+ app Grindr. And his experience only seems to be getting more common on dating sites.
Jacob says it happened back in April when he was chatting with a random guy on the app and they exchanged some NSFW photos. They messaged back and forth, agreeing to meet up later. But after sending photos, Jacob said things got dark very quickly.
“He was demanding that I drive to a gas station and buy gift cards in the amount of $1k,” Jacob told Gizmodo.
And much like some of the horror stories we reported about Ashley Madison, Jacob says the extortionist threatened to publish photos on a site with child sexual abuse material, telling him he’d “go to jail,” if photos of him were found there.
“It honestly was one of the most terrifying moments in my life, I have never felt that way before and hope to never experience it again,” Jacob told Gizmodo.
Jacob did some Google searches for extortion scams and found plenty of people on Reddit talking about similar experiences. So he opted to just block the extortionist and “hope nothing happened.”
“I’ve had a bunch of friends say the same thing has happened to them recently as well,” explaining that he just wanted to pass along his story so that others know what kind of extortion attempts are out there.
“I know things like this can be devastating so maybe it’ll give some comfort,” Jacob told Gizmodo.
Gizmodo filed a FOIA request with the Federal Trade Commission for consumer complaints about Grindr in an effort to better understand what’s happening. Complaints filed with the FTC can help reveal what customers at a given company have been struggling with, whether it’s fake toy websites that just steal your money, hidden cameras at Airbnbs, shady auto-renewal policies at 23andMe, or horror stories from dog-sitting apps.
In the case of Grindr, the issues seem to involve complaints from people who say they’ve been improperly banned from the app, others who say their accounts are being shadowbanned, and still others who’ve been scammed out of money by people posing as real romantic interests. But some of the most concerning complaints involve extortion attempts.
As one complaint reads, “They are threatening to share information about me to loved ones that would ruin my life.”
Grindr told Gizmodo in a statement that sometimes bad actors can manipulate features on the platform “to put users at risk,” but stressed that this is a problem every social networking and dating platform deals with.
“Grindr has always taken its role as a connector for the queer community very seriously and is committed to creating a safe and authentic environment free of scammers, fake and harmful accounts, and spam,” a Grindr spokesperson told Gizmodo in a statement. “We have protocols in place to detect and remove these accounts, including a dedicated moderation team, and will censor or ban a user who has violated Grindr’s Community Guidelines or Terms of Service. In addition to moderator review, Grindr leverages machine learning to flag profile text and chat content that violates these guidelines.”
Gizmodo is publishing a sample of the complaints we’ve received. The complaints have been redacted by the FTC, which is standard practice to protect consumer privacy. They’ve also been very lightly edited by Gizmodo for readability, including minor changes to punctuation and capitalization. But they’re otherwise unaltered and the fundamental substance of each complaint is the same.
“I’m one tap away from publishing your nudes out to everyone”
The person messaged me on Grindr, we exchanged messages there and nude photos. I got busy and couldn’t respond quickly and he asked if we could text instead and I said ok. He texted me hello and I said hello back. He texted me again a few hours later and we had some sexual banter. Then his tone abruptly shifted and he sent the following messages:
- Now listen i’m not who you think I am
- I’m one tap away from publishing your nudes out to everyone
- Failure to comply to my demand consider it done
- Whats it gonna be dude!
He also sent screenshots of my nude photos from Grindr. Also he sent screenshots of him messaging Facebook friends of mine (in fact my two [redacted] cousins) with it appearing as though he selected my nude photos and was poised to send them.
“Was asked for $1,000 in gift cards”
Was corresponding on Grindr and then he asked to converse through text.
Once number was exchanged, Facebook screen shots were taken from my account with threats of sending messages to my family and friends with the photos I shared. Was asked for $1,000 in gift cards to be sent or he would start going down the list of Facebook friends.
“He had all my info and screenshots of public records and my address.”
He made threats of sending images I sent him to family, friends and work associates. He had all my info and screenshots of public records and my address. He said if I do what he said it would go away. I blocked him and he used another number to send another text [redacted].
“now harassing me and threatening to ruin my life”
We chatted online and exchanged a few pictures. Eventually getting to exchanging cell numbers to chat outside of the app. He screenshot them, looked up information on me via my phone number, and is now harassing me and threatening to ruin my life with my photos and a screenshot of our convo.
“I texted and told them I had taken pills to commit suicide”
I met a person on Grindr on Thursday, July 27th. We began texting and making plans to meet. Within 45 minutes they sent me a text threatening to post our conversation and my pictures on social media and my environment as virus ads. They sent screenshots of the conversation and pictures loaded in a Facebook message ready to send to my wife’s profile, along with two other Facebook friends. I immediately deactivated or deleted all my social media accounts. At first, the ask was for $1,000 to be sent via the Cash app. I sent $500 to a [redacted]. I tried to send another $500 to the same person and the Cash app declined the transaction. They gave me a second person to send to $500 to, [redacted]. That transaction also failed. I was directed to purchase a Razer Gold or Apple gift card. I made that purchase and sent them the picture of the Apple gift card. Afterward, they accused me of reporting fraud to the Cash app and demanded I pay another $3,200 to recover their funds that were now frozen. I begged and pleaded for them not to do this. I told them I didn’t have much money and I was feeling very ill. They told me I had to send another $500 that (Thursday) night or else. With their instructions, I purchased $500 in Razor Gold gift cards on Amazon.com. I waited up to receive the codes, but they were never emailed by Amazon. The scammers told me to send the codes in the morning. Since they waffled back in forth between wanting $2,000 and $3,200 on Thursday, on Friday, July 28th, I set out to purchase $2,000 in gift cards so this could be over. I purchased $1,000 in Razer Gold and another $1,000 in apple gift cards. I sent them the pictures of all the cards. Of course, we weren’t square. They needed another $1,000 today or else. I purchased two more $500 Razer Gold cards totalling $1,000. I sent the pictures to them. Having now given them $4,000, they then demanded I send them $1,000 a week until I had given them $10,000. I begged and pleaded for mercy. They then had me create an id.me account. I gave them the login, password, and two-factor authentication codes that were sent to me. They logged into the account and added an additional phone number for the two-factor authentication. Next they had me create a Moneylion account for them. I used the same login and password as the id.me, however, I never game them the 2-factor authentication code for the Moneylion account. I never gave it to them. On Saturday, I removed their phone number from id.me and changed the password on id.me and Moneylion. On Saturday morning (July 29th) I texted and told them I had taken pills to commit suicide, the doctor said I had a stroke, and I was in the hospital. I told them not to text, and that I would text them when I got out. They continued to text periodically on Saturday. No texts on Sunday. Yesterday (Monday, July 31), they got more aggressive with threats. Their initial text on Sunday threatened to go to my house to make sure my family knew. They then called me four times in a row. The first time I picked up because I was expecting a call from a therapist. I immediately hung up once I realized who it was. They texted and said Wow, that’s great ok and I can’t believe you will do this. I haven’t not to them since. They have used the following numbers to text me through this ordeal: [redacted] (the last number is most recent and where phone calls came from).
“The cops or FBI cannot stop me from exposing you”
Scammer presented himself on Grindr. We chatted briefly share pics phone #s. Scammer then sent a screenshot pic that included a G rated pic a NSFW pic. He then began a series of threatening texts. I told him he was a scammer then blocked his #. Here are the text msgs he sent each separated by a blank space.
- Am not joking about this
- Do you want me to start sending out your nudes to everyone online now???
- The cops or FBI cannot stop me from exposing you now if I don’t get what I want now
- Head to the nearest store now and get me a $1000 APPLE GIFT CARD NOW you got only just 10 mins to get me what I want now man
- Deal or no deal ???
- Once I get my card I’ll send you a video of me deleting your nudes from my device
- Deal or no deal ???
- If I were you I’d be on my way to the nearest store
- Head to with Walmart, Walgreens or CVS
- Seems you think this is a joke right??
- For the last time
- DEAL OR NO DEAL ???
“don’t try to play smart man”
I was on the dating app Grindr and fell into a Sextortion trap by providing my phone number, they have called, texted and threatened multiple times. I received a Google One notice that my data has been breached on the dark web including my social security number. Message: huh, let’s no do this the hard way man, i know you’re seeing all my messages man, don’t try to play smart man it only gonna get you ruined man, when am I getting my payoff man from [redacted] on March 7, 2024 at 8:10pm.
There are multiple of these types of threat messages sent to my phone and my wife’s phone as well. The threats continue to come demanding I pay $10,000 or they will send information to my family and friends.
“I met someone on Grindr last week and stupidly gave them my phone number after exchanging some pics.”
Being bribed so that someone doesn’t expose explicit pictures of me. I met someone on Grindr last week and stupidly gave them my phone number after exchanging some pics. They are now trying to bribe me to not send them to family members. I have ignored their calls and texts. The phone number they are using is [redacted].
“otherwise I’ll ruin your reputation”
We had a conversation on Grindr. I gave them my phone number. They then texted me with screenshots of Facebook messenger messages to some of my Facebook friends with the messages:
- I’ve got complete access to your Facebook account and that of your family and friends, failure to comply with my demands I’ll fuck u up
- All u have to do is get what I want and we’re done otherwise I’ll ruin your reputation
- By text they said: now listen to me [redacted], i am not who u think i am
“Gonna be sending out your nudes to everyone you love and care”
After getting my phone number today (we’ve been talking for the last three days), he texted me this:
- [redacted]
- Get me what I want and we’re done here for good
- Clean and smooth
- I’m not here for games
- Gonna be sending out your nudes to everyone you love and care
- Is that what you want??
Immediately, I proceeded to block the number and did not even respond to the message.
“…tried to extort money to keep from leaking said pictures to my contacts list.”
I have run in to two frauds while on the app Grindr. The first one I am reporting is someone that approached me on the website, got personal info (name, phone, private pictures) and then tried to extort money to keep from leaking said pictures to my contacts list. He sounded Arabic. The picture looked American. The info I have is he went by [redacted] but his Cashapp was for [redacted] from Florida. Phone [redacted]. There was the symbol of the English pound before his Cashapp login. The Cashapp was started Feb 23.
I have also been approached by a number of Asian men who act like they just want to be friends but eventually try to talk me into crypto day trading. There seems to be a limited number of back stories. I’ve heard two separate stories from 5 separate men. They always want to talk on Whatsapp. I’m assuming because it a encrypted and leaves no trace.
So far, I have not lost any money although I have 50 dollars locked in Cashapp. I chose to report and block him instead.
Grindr noted that it hosts tools on its site to help protect against scams and provided links.
“To further support our users, we host and regularly update Holistic Security and Scam Awareness Guides on our website in addition to user safety tips which are also available within the Grindr app’s settings,” a spokesperson for Grindr told Gizmodo.
“We encourage users to report any suspicious behavior and use our video calling feature to connect with other users before meeting them in person. Grindr stands ready to support law enforcement efforts to investigate and prosecute bad actors,” the spokesperson continued.
Have you been the victim of an extortion attempt on a dating app and want to tell your story? Send us a tip at mnovak@gizmodo.com.
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